Converting - despite the best efforts of Haugen & Co.

You know, converts to the Catholic Church are nothing new, though of course we're glad to have so many of them. Stories of conversions abound in print and online, many of them written very nicely and with a "moment" that makes you smile and say a pray for the newly converted. Oftentimes it is noted that it was an experience of authentic and transcendent liturgy (at either a Tradtional Latin Mass, a tradition-minded Novus Ordo parish, or an Eastern Rite parish) was a key moment in their conversion. And in more than a few of the conversions I've read, they've made mention of their disappointment in the "standard" fare of liturgical music at our "modern" Catholic Mass.

But, this Episcopalian's conversion announcement has to be the first one I've read with a sentence like THIS:

Sound doctrine will make it possible for me (I pray) to tolerate Masses where the priest sits in the Captain Kirk chair while the miasmal excrescences of Marty Haugen and David Haas waft into the nave.

ROTFLOL! Read the rest of his tale here, and check out the rest of his blog too! Don't forget to say a prayer for him, and all the other converts who came to the fullness of truth in spite of us "modern" Catholics and our banal ditties complete with tamborines!

Hey - this might also be a fitting time to plug the SMMMHDH again... you know, the Society for a Moratorium on the Music of Marty Haugen and David Haas (and all those other convert-shuddering tamborine-lovin' composers with lucrative OCP and GIA contracts).

Go to their site and read hilarious comments from other suffering souls, like these:

"The 1980's called Haas and Haugen. They want their situation comedy theme songs back."

"Week after week of the sheeplike hordes waving one hand in the air and singing the liturgical equivalent of "Louie, Louie". It's like trying to live on a diet of Cheetos and Sunny-D."

"Hi, my name is Tom, and I used to sing at Folk Mass . . . . . "

"I have used Haas and Haugen's music to line the bottom of my bird's cage. My bird Sebastian Bach made appropriate liturgical comments on their music."

"I think the appropriate prayer for the work of Messrs Haugen and Haas would be that nice prayer for blessing incense - 'Mayest thou be blessed by Him in Whose honour thou shalt be burnt. Amen.'"

"If there ever was such a thing as 'heaven on earth', then Marty Haugen and David Haas would have to be 'purgatory on earth.'"

"I feel that a moratorium on these faith expressions is the right thing for our faith community at this time. My faith journey has brought me to a place of thinking about how these expressions may not be the right thing for our tradition at this point on our journey as a community."

"When I learned about the Society for a Moratorium on the Music of Marty Haugen and David Haas, I thought ...'Gather ME In.'"

"Haugen-Haas....could be a whole new brand of ice cream? Fluffy texture, bland flavour, leaves you feeling emptier than before!"

"Am I a de facto member if I hear "One Bread, One Body" and think "One Bed, Two Bodies?""

"I have offered to sing "My Soul Thirsts" (Psalm 63) by Dan Schutte at the local jail; however, the warden called this "cruel and unusual" punishment."

And my personal favorite...

Dictionary:
ba_by talk n.

1. the speech of children learning to talk, marked esp. by syntactic simplification and phonetic modifications like omission and substitution of sounds.
2. a style of speech used by adults in imitation of this, esp. in addressing young children.
3. the lyrics of the advertising jingle for Haugen-Haas ice cream.