Us: The other nine
I recognize myself among them. For me, gratitude to God is a real challenge. I don't much care for my life as it is. Indeed, it is an ongoing struggle for me to extirpate the wish that my gifts and my very self were radically different from what they are. So instead of thanking Jesus for his inestimable gift of salvation and leaving myself at his loving disposal, I often go off wondering how long before I'm let out on parole. I'd much prefer to be part of his company, part of the Twelve. It would seem so much more meaningful, so much more exciting. I'd rather not be told "Stand up and go; your faith has saved you." I want to stay, but I can't; consequently, I'm ungrateful. And my ingratitude destroys the intimacy I need and seek. Having been given the miracle I need, I become part of the other nine simply so as not to be told what I don't want to hear—even though I've already been told all I need to hear, which I didn't deserve to begin with.
The only solution is the spirit of self-offering exemplified, and made possible, by Jesus on the Cross. Amid all our own problems, which are intertwined with those of the Church, let us remember to be grateful for whatever in our lives is not, itself, sin. It all comes from God and is part of the miracle of healing that is our salvation. Let us offer it all to the cosmic Christ to do with as he wills.
Read it all at Michael Liccone's Sacramentum Vitae: The other nine